Dirty Library Read online

  Thomas pulls mile-long trains across the country all day—mind-numbing work that has him ready to go off the rails. So when Daddy gets home, he’s got a one-track mind and he’s ready to let off some steam.

  Reviews:

  “Sick, twisted, and morally bankrupt. In short, I loved it.”

  —Bill O’Reilly, Fox News

  “I read it to my child, but strangely she hasn’t been speaking the last two or three months since. I wonder if I did something wrong.”

  —Tina J., mommy blogger

  Harold and the Purple Tampon

  Curious little Harold spends the day playing with his newfound pearlescent plastic purple toy—which he calls “Tammy.” But poor little Harold’s world is turned upside down when he’s told what “Tammy” is really for, where babies come from, and the biology of the human reproductive system.

  Testimonials:

  “Women do that?? Once a month!? I had no idea.”

  —Jordan R., adult male, single and looking

  “BLOOOOOOOOODDDDD”

  —Local metal band, lyrics inspired by the book

  Acknowledgments

  To Allison and Adriann . . . is this real?

  To Jordana, our amazing editor; Jason, our designer; and the team at Running Press for printing this on actual paper.

  To our parents, who believed in us a little too much.

  To email spam filters: Give us our emails back.